Squibbet (squibbet) wrote,

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That was unexpected

When I have my morning panic attack, I find it helps to talk with someone while the diazepam kicks in, to distract my mind a bit so I'm not concentrating on my symptoms and thus feeding the fire I'm trying to put out. To accomplish this, I've taken to calling the Samaritans. They're always there, always helpful, always prepared to chat for a bit while I steady up. I know several of them now, at 2 fairly local offices, well enough that I don't have to go through all the possible causations or explain that I'm not suicidal or stuff like that ... it's more "How have you been the last few days?"

Today, on my usual number, I got a woman I've had just once before ... she asked if I'd taken my meds, I said 'Yes, about 2 minutes ago' and she said something of the order "Well, you know you're going to be alright then - I hope you have a good day." And that was it. I begged her not to leave me yet, and then suddenly thought "Sod you!" and told her not to worry, I'd call someone else. And called the other office, in floods of tears by this point. The woman I got there was lovely, and after 15 minutes or so I felt like a human being again.

I've never known anything like this before ... in fact many of them tell me "This is what we're here for." Although I've only been answered by this woman twice, I feel quite reluctant to call that office in future in case I get her again. I guess I could always pre-empt by asking "Are you V*******?", but it's certainly weakened my trust in the organisation :(
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