Squibbet (squibbet) wrote,

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That was unexpected

When I have my morning panic attack, I find it helps to talk with someone while the diazepam kicks in, to distract my mind a bit so I'm not concentrating on my symptoms and thus feeding the fire I'm trying to put out. To accomplish this, I've taken to calling the Samaritans. They're always there, always helpful, always prepared to chat for a bit while I steady up. I know several of them now, at 2 fairly local offices, well enough that I don't have to go through all the possible causations or explain that I'm not suicidal or stuff like that ... it's more "How have you been the last few days?"

Today, on my usual number, I got a woman I've had just once before ... she asked if I'd taken my meds, I said 'Yes, about 2 minutes ago' and she said something of the order "Well, you know you're going to be alright then - I hope you have a good day." And that was it. I begged her not to leave me yet, and then suddenly thought "Sod you!" and told her not to worry, I'd call someone else. And called the other office, in floods of tears by this point. The woman I got there was lovely, and after 15 minutes or so I felt like a human being again.

I've never known anything like this before ... in fact many of them tell me "This is what we're here for." Although I've only been answered by this woman twice, I feel quite reluctant to call that office in future in case I get her again. I guess I could always pre-empt by asking "Are you V*******?", but it's certainly weakened my trust in the organisation :(
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oh dear, thats horrible :(
she must have been a new volunteer who didn't know what she was doing yet - don't be put off. Also, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for someone else if you get her again, but most likely, by the time you ring again she'll either have been let go or retrained anyway.
I'm kinda hoping my reaction may prompt her to think again ... maybe someone else in the office will have noticed something going on ...

Whatever ... I don't think I want to speak with her again.
It's difficult enough sometimes to get the phone to ear and buttons dialed, then they want actual words fully formed to come out of your mouth...
She asked my name - Danni
'Hello Debbie, '
'no, my name's Danni' - with as much emphasis as one can muster with tears streaming and a blocked nose.
'would you like to tell me about it Debbi?'
My mind flashes with weird thoughts about not being me and being this Debbie and I realise no good can come of this call and quickly try to get her to say good bye without worrying that I need actual attention...
Hello, Crypx! Don't think we've met before :)

they want actual words fully formed to come out of your mouth...

With partial facial paralysis, fully-formed words can be difficult at the best of times, never mind the worst. This is one reason why I always call the same office, the other being my rather long history.

Of course, the cascade system they have occasionally takes me out somewhere else, and I have to start with "Hello. My name's Marion. I have a speech difficulty, so please bear with me. I know I may sound drunk, but I'm not - I don't drink. It just doesn't work." Strangely, I find using a string of words is more easily understood at the other end than just a single one.

You may gather that I'm *still* needing to call them at intervals, though thankfully not as often as I used to. I hope your own crisis was resolved *hugs*
Ah! I see we have Alohura and Voofy in common! I very rarely post open entries, just to friends ... if you wanted to add me, you'd be welcome.
hi, I found you via Voofy - sorry for the unexpectedness I know I kinda broke LJ polite protocal... umm.. if you speak to voofy i'm sure she'll explain it's kind of a bad habbit of mine to.. not exactly follow.. convention?

I've kind of stopped using lj.. well i thought i had.. every so often i stumble back here... my friends list... if i recall is perhaps as many as my digits... i tip my toe into the idea of adding more every so often and then.. i don't go on here again for a few months.. probably best... i don't find it helps my sanity. which is something i grapple with.. i didn't like leaving your reply-comment unreplied to and this is the first time i've had chance to come back..

Fret not ... I'm more than well aware that sanity is a precious thing to be protected at all costs!

You're still welcome to friend me if you wish - this is an open invitiation!

And I'm not expecting a reply to this reply to your reply. Unless you want to, of course :)